Right now we are stocked up (no pun intended).
We have 4 boxes of mac n' cheese, plenty of vanilla extract, a couple jars of yeast, fruit snacks and goldfish. I'm even burning a "pumpkin spice" Yankee candle! Visitors bearing gifts came the same week as a care package, so it feels a bit like Christmas. I never thought things like cereal and canned cranberries could make me so happy....until I lived here. The things I was used to are scarce. While we have it pretty good in this city (the second Dunkin' Donuts just opened!), there is scarcity. There are many things we can't find. And when we get them I have some decisions to make.
Do I hoard? Do I share (with my kids...neighbors...friends!)? Do I save them for a special event (Twizzlers for potty-training!)? Will there be more coming? And should I really be worried about this?
Then there's the dilemma of last week. I was baking some chocolate chip cookies (for Bible study, husband and self) and I dropped a handful of chocolate chips in the sink. Remember, our water is not drinkable. I gasped. As the typhoid-infested water swirled around my precious chocolate chips I truly thought, "Is it worth it to dig them out and eat them?". Much to my immune-system's delight, I didn't. But I know that those chocolate chips that I dug out and threw in the trash were close to my heart in some strange way.
Of course, American "goodies" are just the surface of the scarcity I feel. I am making friends here and I have good communication with many in the States. But like my cupboards, I feel I must stock up. I have a good phone call, a delightful play date, an unexpected email and I feel encouraged. I feel connected. And I want to hoard it. I want to soak it all in because I know that next week I may be busy, the time zone difference will get in the way, and thousands of miles really do matter. It gives me anxiety just knowing that, again, what I was used to is not available to me anymore.
And so I miss out on what is available: God. There is no (no, not ever) scarcity in God and His grace. He is there and pouring out His love on me. All this worrying about saving or giving or making the most of stuff and time and people never satisfies. It was never meant to satisfy me anyways. I was not made that way. None of us were.
Of course I knew that when I could run to Publix for chocolate chips or to coffee with a friend. I knew it when things were "easier". Yet I seldom felt my need of God. I was so easily satisfied by what I was used to. I didn't feel this longing. I didn't feel thirsty.
So maybe I need to feel this scarcity in things (and even relationships) so that I can feel and believe in (and therefore fully trust in) the fullness of God. This is the path He has made for me, so that my heart can delight in Him when I am in want or plenty, when I am eating Reese's cups or rice, when I am with friends or simply standing in front of my washing machine...I can delight in what my soul was made for. I can delight and not dig out of the drain.
We have 4 boxes of mac n' cheese, plenty of vanilla extract, a couple jars of yeast, fruit snacks and goldfish. I'm even burning a "pumpkin spice" Yankee candle! Visitors bearing gifts came the same week as a care package, so it feels a bit like Christmas. I never thought things like cereal and canned cranberries could make me so happy....until I lived here. The things I was used to are scarce. While we have it pretty good in this city (the second Dunkin' Donuts just opened!), there is scarcity. There are many things we can't find. And when we get them I have some decisions to make.
Do I hoard? Do I share (with my kids...neighbors...friends!)? Do I save them for a special event (Twizzlers for potty-training!)? Will there be more coming? And should I really be worried about this?
Then there's the dilemma of last week. I was baking some chocolate chip cookies (for Bible study, husband and self) and I dropped a handful of chocolate chips in the sink. Remember, our water is not drinkable. I gasped. As the typhoid-infested water swirled around my precious chocolate chips I truly thought, "Is it worth it to dig them out and eat them?". Much to my immune-system's delight, I didn't. But I know that those chocolate chips that I dug out and threw in the trash were close to my heart in some strange way.
Of course, American "goodies" are just the surface of the scarcity I feel. I am making friends here and I have good communication with many in the States. But like my cupboards, I feel I must stock up. I have a good phone call, a delightful play date, an unexpected email and I feel encouraged. I feel connected. And I want to hoard it. I want to soak it all in because I know that next week I may be busy, the time zone difference will get in the way, and thousands of miles really do matter. It gives me anxiety just knowing that, again, what I was used to is not available to me anymore.
And so I miss out on what is available: God. There is no (no, not ever) scarcity in God and His grace. He is there and pouring out His love on me. All this worrying about saving or giving or making the most of stuff and time and people never satisfies. It was never meant to satisfy me anyways. I was not made that way. None of us were.
Of course I knew that when I could run to Publix for chocolate chips or to coffee with a friend. I knew it when things were "easier". Yet I seldom felt my need of God. I was so easily satisfied by what I was used to. I didn't feel this longing. I didn't feel thirsty.
So maybe I need to feel this scarcity in things (and even relationships) so that I can feel and believe in (and therefore fully trust in) the fullness of God. This is the path He has made for me, so that my heart can delight in Him when I am in want or plenty, when I am eating Reese's cups or rice, when I am with friends or simply standing in front of my washing machine...I can delight in what my soul was made for. I can delight and not dig out of the drain.
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