Slow Healing

The sight on my arm where I had my IV started itching today. Not a bad, infected kind of itching. But the healing kind. The bruise is starting to fade, but it's still sore. My IV sight is obviously not the biggest deal after a surgery like I had last week (I really can't bear to say the official name of the procedure), but it really does remind me of my need for emotional healing.

Many people have read my last post about losing our baby. Brian expressed the same thing I was thinking...we could write many many posts about this because the grieving and thinking through this is so complex in our heads, hearts and relationships. Of course, not all thinking is meant to be in public, and certainly not via social media. But here's where I am a few days later.

Healing. Not completely, not as fast as my body is healing. I am distracted most times by life, by Lydia, by just everything that needs to be done. I kind of like that...it means I don't have to dig deep. But then, the hurting catches me by surprise. I will see something about the size our baby was (3/4 of an inch) like this word. It may sound silly, but then I think of him and I cry. A friend will call or email to let me know they are grieving with us and praying for us. It's so good, but also hard to respond to. Our pastor preached a great sermon on Sunday about Mary's song...and I just couldn't stop crying. Thankfully Brian didn't care what his shirt looked like after I leaned on him! And it's hard for me to get into Scripture, because I know the Word is powerfully and active...meant for my good, yes, but penetrating.

It isn't easy being pursued by the Holy God who loves me. He works in the quiet moments and in the moments I am thinking of laundry, lunch or Christmas gifts. He's working through the body of Christ, my family...even Lydia, and just in my heart. It's terribly exposing and vulnerable. It comes in quick hurt, tears and heartache. It comes with slow healing and, Lord wiling, intimacy with this Pursuer.