changes of motherhood

Everyone told me becoming a mom would change things, everything. Brian and I prepared for what we could: we got all the "equipment" from the pack n' play to the boppy, bumbo, and bottles; I read some "wifely" books to remind myself of the human relationship that should come first (aka the one to my incredible husband, Mr. Stock); I even figured out (theoretically at least) a schedule that included me-time (reading, working out, gardening, etc).

Over seven months later, I guess I'm still seeing the tip of the iceberg. I am a stay-at-home-mom. So, yes, I "gave up" my career. But, since I lost my job before Lydia was even born it's not that big of a deal. Plus, I always looked forward to being home with the Stock babies!

I gave up some social time, which as an extrovert is still really hard to do. I soon learned though, that babies are quite portable and you sure get to talk to more people in the grocery store when you have a cute baby girl with you!

Currently, I'm giving up lots of stuff at church. I haven't sat through a service in 9 Sundays (yes, I'm counting). I can't sing up front anymore. We have stopped volunteering with the Youth Group at night (basically I was just rocking a sleepy baby the whole time anyways). This week, I also found out that I won't be able to lead a small group as I have for the past few years...a lot of circumstances play in here, but mostly (again) revolving around that cute little baby girl.

How do I deal with all this? Well, in the big scheme of things I'm not giving up much. Lydia is actually a really good baby. Plus, less money, time and convenience is not so bad when compared to lots of others' situations. And of course, she's worth it right?

And here's the problem. The solution to my pity party is an equation that doesn't make sense. I am willing to not complain or go through these little inconveniences because the sacrifice is worth it. Here's the equation:

Lydia (being a stay-at-home-mom, good wife, etc) > everything else that changed.

Of course Lydia is worth it. She is greater than missed opportunities. But if I continue to serve or sacrifice because it makes sense mathematically, I am not serving to the glory of God. I'm constantly bargaining with God: "Ok, I'll do this one thing for you, but it better be worth it. I better get a good relationship, an obedient child, recognition, etc out of this!"

Service (and living!) to the glory of God is saying "yes, Lord" when we can't see that it's worth it, when we are commanded to serve, when we are given a role or a gift to be a faithful steward of. I admit I have been failing at this as I serve my family and church.

Yep, motherhood does mean a lot of changes. I hope most of those are in me for the glory of our God.