An Application for Dating My Daughter

A few weeks back, Lydia wrote a letter to her future husband. She was quite please with it and as I a dad who loves his daughter, I was thankful to see that she is beginning to think about these important matters even at such a young age. But, as a dad who loves his daughter, I saw the letter lacked in key areas. It wasn't as strong as it could have been. So, here is my application for dating/courting my daughter:

Application To Date My Daughter

1. Name_________________________ Date of Birth____________

2. Height _________ Weight________ IQ________ GPA________

3. Social Security # ______________ Driver’s licence #__________

4. Boy Scout Rank_____________________________________

5. Home Address_____________ City/State ____________ Zip____

6. Do you have one male and one female parent? ____________

If no, explain answer _________________________________

7. Number of years parents married ________________________

8. Do you own a van? _______ A truck with oversized tires?______ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? _______ Do you have a tattoo?_________ (if yes to any of #8, discontinue application and leave the premises)

9. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? ____________ ____________________________________________________.

10. In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER!” mean to you? __________________________________________________________.

11. Do you love Jesus? __________ Church you attend _______________ How often do you attend? ______________________

12. When is the best time to interview you father, mother, and pastor? Father ____________ Mother___________ Pastor__________

13. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer all questions freely, all answers are confidential (that means I won’t tell anyone ever — promise)

A. If I were shot, the last place I would want to be wounded is in the __________________

B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ____________

C. A woman’s place is in the _________________________

D. The one thing I hope this application doesn’t ask is________________________________________

E. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is ______________

14. What do you want to be “if” you grow up? ________________

15. Are you willing to wear an electronic tracking device? _______

I swear all information supplied above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, crucifixion, electrocution, Chinese water torture, and red hot pokers.

Signature ________________________

Thank-you for you interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases.

(HT: Anyabwile)